Don't let your parents scare you from exploring the world
I just read an interesting post at 501 Places that poses the question of whether we are becoming too afraid to travel, and if this fear will kill off the next generation of backpackers.
Andy, the blogger behind 501 Places, says that when he was younger, he did many things that people now consider unsafe. He traveled solo to Europe at age 17, and this adventure included hitchhiking, sleeping on park benches, and meeting some strange people. He finds it interesting that whenever he tells his stories, most peoples’ first reaction is, “I would never let my kids do that!” They coddle their children and do not want them traipsing through a foreign country without them.
While Andy readily admits that he made some foolish mistakes during his travels, he says he figured out how to get out of these situations by himself and learned from his successes and failures. Here is an excerpt:
Every time I learned. I learned how to spot trouble, how to weigh up the relative safety of a situation and how to extricate myself from a sticky situation before it got dangerous. I didn’t become an expert or a 100% safe traveller. But when I started university I had a self-confidence and a degree of street-wiseness that I simply wouldn’t have had if I had stayed under my parents’ protective wings for the summer.
Are parents these days so protective that they are scaring their children away from adventurous travel at a young age? It’s very possible. I know people who have only traveled with their families, and I know few people who have traveled solo. And it’s true that there is more awareness about safety now. When my aunt was my age, she traveled throughout England, India, and Japan by herself. But a few years ago when I expressed interest in doing a significant amount of traveling alone, friends and family members acted like I had lost my mind — many people worried it would be too unsafe.
However, traveling is inherently scary. When you are going somewhere new, you likely will not know how to get around, you won’t know what foods to avoid, you don’t know which areas are safe and unsafe, and you may not know the language. You can read the best guidebooks around, but sometimes you don’t know how things will be until you get there.
If you understand that travel to foreign places puts you in a vulnerable position and you take precautions to be safe, you are doing the very best you can, and I think you should go for it. When you’re young, it’s the best time to be adventurous. While it’s wise to avoid countries in turmoil, even in the safest countries you can take all the precautions in the world and still fall victim to a robbery, car bombing, etc. Sometimes you have to just take a risk, and it’s a shame when parents won’t let their kids do so.
Just don’t be arrogant or clueless — those are two things that will surely make you less safe when traveling. Admit that you don’t know everything but try to learn all you can. Find information about the local culture before you go. Do a little research and make sure you don’t book a hostel or hotel in the slums. Be utterly observant everywhere you go, especially at night. Don’t take out your map in the middle of the street. Do not look like you don’t know where you’re going or what you’re doing. As long as you are always aware of your surroundings, especially as a female, you will be fine most of the time.
Two summers ago, I wanted to try solo travel for the first time. I was already going to be in the UK and Germany with family and friends. I wanted to go to France, but nobody could go with me, so I decide to stay in Paris for four days by myself. At first it was very scary and lonely, especially since I don’t speak French. Despite a few teary moments, it was overall an incredibly valuable experience, much like how Andy described. It made me feel more confident. I needed to know that I, as a solo woman, could conquer Paris without anyone else to rely on. I was observant everywhere I went, made sure to stay in a nice area, and made it look like I knew what I was doing. I was completely safe and nothing happened. I came home feeling stronger and more capable, and I feel more confident when traveling now. Sometimes you have to ignore the naysayers and go on an adventure.
Have your parents tried to scare you away from travel? Have you ever gone traveling despite the warnings from others about safety?
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Thankfully my parents were cool enough to let me go to Europe by myself, at 17, to live and work. Although they worried a lot, I didn’t meet heavy resistance. I have been questioned, time and time again though, about how my parents let me do that, how they could trust me, etc.
It’s unwise to be scared to travel right now. If anything, we need more and more travelers in the world to make it a better place. If I ever have kids I will be encouraging them to travel as much as possible.
I think part of it is the American mentality —- it isn’t just that travel is scary but also that we are expected to work, work, work. In a way, this is a good thing because it’s the reason why our nation is at the top of most things and we remain competitive. But, it also means that our children aren’t experiencing other cultures like other countries’ kids do.
As we’ve been traveling in Australia, we have been surprised by how many students at 18 or 19 take a year off to travel. It is common here to take a gap year but incredibly uncommon in the U.S. Frankly, a bunch of these kids I meet make really stupid mistakes (and I say that they are kids keeping in mind that I am only 10 years older than them). But, making stupid mistakes is part of growing up. I also think it is unfair for parents to have to fund these adventures and I would only want my (imaginary) kids to do something like this if they could fund it themselves.
Great post Emily, and thanks for the mention and link back to my post. I like the way you describe your solo venture to Paris. I suspect many of us who have travelled alone have experienced those teary moments – it’s only natural when we first step out of our comfortable existence into a new environment. Then the sense of adventure kicks in and you realise you’re surrounded by opportunity and not threats. I see you’ve travelled a lot more since that trip, so I assume it left a positive impression!
Happy travels
Andy
Thanks for the insight, guys! Glad to hear that we all went on great adventures despite the American mentality not to. I really wish I had done a gap year after high school (or after college) — have talked to some Brits and Australians who say it’s a part of their culture, and I hate that Americans ignore it. That’s something that I definitely hope changes!
Great article. I was really lucky that my parents had already come to grip with my independent streak when I decided to move to LA alone – perhaps it prepped them for my solo trip RTW.
My dad’s only concession to my solo travel was that he reserved the right to send me an email about EVERY single political instability near where I was traveling – after a while I told him he had to stop because it was making me overly-fearful! Although it’s good to be on guard, it’s also a whole lot safer it you’re being careful than many think!
Like you in Paris, I remember landing in Sydney as my first stop and having a few teary moments as the reality of solo travel set in – but I made it through Australia and that gave me the confidence to move onto SEA
I think is partly media´s fault. Only the bad news are mediatised. It´s just natural for parents to worry for their children. But in todays workaholic society parents don´t get the change to know their children very well and they keep seeing them as babies even when they are 20. A few decades ago or in other contemporary societies teenagers are responsable parents. Travel is GOOD! When you travel you gather experiences and you mature faster. Traveling and exploring are basic human rights.
Hi Emily. I was excited to see this post! I’m lucky in that my parents are very supportive of my travel plans in general. However my mother gets very very worried about the idea of me traveling solo. We’ve been arguing quit a bit over the prospect of me traveling to thailand and Southeast Asia on my own. Her arguments are not so much based in logic as fear which i beleive she’s picked up from the media and l&o and all that fun stuff.
You know the more I think about it I also think there is a gender divide on this issue. Do you think parents would be more willing to let there son go out backpacking around the world solo than their daughter? I definitely get that impression sometimes.
Shannon — How funny! Allowing warning emails sounds like a good concession, but I can see how that would get scary after too many! That’s great that your parents were so supportive.
Laura — I agree, I think the media definitely has something to do with it. They tend to use scare tactics and exaggerate bad news, especially when it comes to foreign destinations. I also definitely agree that travel makes you grow up faster — especially solo travel!
Stephanie — I think there definitely is a gender divide. If I was a guy, I don’t think my family would have been that concerned about me traveling solo. Females are naturally much more vulnerable, and it sucks! It would be understandable for places in Africa and the Arab world, which can be dangerous for anyone, though especially women. But most of the world isn’t so bad as long as we are cautious! Hopefully we girls can break down some stereotypes
Hi Emily,
Great post and insights. Having grown up abroad and in the US, I have realized that despite all of us co-existing in the western hemisphere and loving Coke and Michael Jackson, we are worlds apart in this area. Europeans especially are accustomed to a more trusting society of their growth into young adulthood. With a younger drinking age, traveling alone or with friends at a young age, they grow up in an environment that fosters trust and independence at a young age.
That being said, this presents a HUGE opportunity for the youth of today in the States to educate their parents on the benefits of traveling, studying or working internationally. Though their parents may not impart that independence on them while growing up, they can take it as an opportunity to show their parents how this can positively impact their career, their university experience and their life overall. With the internet today, as they travel they can be informed and connected 24/7, almost as if they never left. Staying safe is always a concern but like you said, awareness is key.
On the contrary, I think that parents, at least in th UK are giving their children every opportunities to travel – my children have a wide travel experience but I suppose they are the exception because I like travelling and they come with me. It is so easy to get cheap flights from Europe to many different destinations. My children have come a bit blase – my son asked me if we could go somewhere else apart from Europe for a change.
I think in the US it can be different – there is so much variety within the different states, that they don’t have the need to go abroad – also from what I read there can be more of the attitude of ‘why would you want to travel?’
Scared of travel? Should those words ever be put together?
I think everybody should travel in one form or another purely to open your eyes and gain life experience and realize the world isn’t what it seems on TV news channels. I believe a weekend in Manchester or London can be as dangerous as being in South America. It’s all about chance of it happening. I’ve had a knife pulled on me twice in Holland and mugged by 5 people in Rome, in 9 years that’s pretty good going. I had no trouble in my 5 months in South America!!!
I remember flying from New York to Miami and on the run way before we set off the electrics went down on the plane then came back on again, but about 20 Americans asked and left the plane becasue they were scared. I couldn’t believe there mentality. How bizarre!
My advice is to through yourself into the deep end and make sure you swim because live is for living, so go and live it and live it well.
PS. Good post by the way, I’m glad to have stumbled onto your blog, I will add a link to the bottom of my page.
Heather — The philosophies are very different in the UK and US. From everything I have gleaned, people are very supportive of travel in the UK and it is very common to go on gap years. In the States, there is huge pressure to go to college straight from high school — very few people take a gap year. I think you’re right, that the US has so much diversity, some parents think exploring this country should be enough, at least when the kids are younger. In Europe, it’s so much easier to explore other countries since you are next to so many others with such unique cultures, languages, etc. I’m very envious of that attitude over there — travel is definitely encouraged more.
Richard — thanks for your comments! Very interesting to hear stories about safety. You’re definitely right — our perception of places that are “safe” are not always accurate! You can be completely safe in a place that is considered unsafe, and as you found, get robbed in a place most people think is safe. The best we can do is be alert and proactive, and sometimes even then, random acts of crime happen!